Resurrecting the Albatross: in relationships.
You might recall from school the old story “Rime
of the Ancient Mariner” by Samuel Taylor
Coleridge…
The Mariner's sin in killing the albatross was
truly a sin against himself. But the sin began
when the Ancient Mariner changed his perception of
the good omen. Imagine your partner is the
albatross. You first saw your partner as a good
sign of clear skies ahead. But you shot the
albatross and now it hangs around your neck. What
happened? Your perception of the albatross (your
partner) changed from good to bad. This may have
been for valid reasons, or not. Now the question
you have to ask is, has your partner really proven
by actions that he or she doesn't love you? If he
or she has been good but you are feeling
resentment, then who is hanging the albatross
around your neck? You are proving your negative
point by making your beliefs real. You can do this
by setting someone up for failure. If you expect
someone to do something out of the ordinary or
within a certain amount of time (only they don't
know there is a time factor involved), or expect
them to change a behavior that annoys you yet they
don't know that it does, you are killing the
albatross. And it will lay around your neck.
A very important part of relationships is
realistic expectations of your partner. I know
myself, I sometimes expect too much from my wife.
The problem is not one in which one partner or the
other isn't doing enough. It is one where both
partners aren't doing enough of the right things
as perceived by the other partner. The problem
here is all about positive communication and
teamwork.
And the albatross got its revenge. When I refer to
an albatross in relationships, it is when one
person hangs penance on another. This usually
stems from unspoken resentment. The ideal of a
relationship is to have an interaction that is
mutually beneficial. You have an albatross when
there is a dragging weight on one or both
partners. Either one or both of you aren't being
team players. We can often accuse the other
partner of being the albatross, but sometimes that
just isn't the case. We are creating the
perception in ourselves that what we accuse our
partner of doing is real by perceiving with a
negative filter.
The way to remedy the situation is by having goal
setting sessions and reaffirming a positive
perception of your partner. It is amazing how if
you think about how businesses are successful, you
know they followed a well-defined plan. How often
do we not have the same sort of plan in a
marriage? What do you want out of life? What does
your partner want? What are your expectations of
your 40-s,50-s, 60-s? What are your partners?
These are things that should be discussed and
written down. If you know where you both want to
go, you can make a plan to work together to get
there. Know what each partner expects and include
it in the plan. By following the plan, you know
what is expected. It is measurable. Things that
are measurable can be reached. Detail this plan.
Tell each other what you need and how it can best
be given to you. The albatross manifests itself
when a person expects without asking. When desire
is unclear. The albatross makes you see your
partner as the enemy. If you change your thinking
back to perceiving your partner as your friend,
amazingly it will become so. It is easy to
misconstrue the intentions of your partner if you
have embraced the reality that your partner is the
albatross around your neck. We tend to prove to
ourselves that which we believe. If you believe
and affirm that your partner is a beneficial,
loving partner in time that is exactly what they
will be. We are not changing our partner, but our
perception of our partner. So often we get in a
rut of thinking that our partner is ill matched,
or that they don't love us, or that they are
wishing bad things on us. Sometimes these
perceptions are brought on by things that were
said in anger; other times they are lines we have
drawn ourselves. If the ancient mariner could
have just resurrected the albatross he would have
been free from his penance. Resurrect your
albatross and the living beacon of clear skies and
your voyage to a happier relationship will be
underway!
Until Next Week! Have a Happy Life!
Regards,
Bill White
President/CEO
The Biggest Deal, Inc.
![[Valid RSS]](http://www.thebiggestdeal.com/valid-rss.png){kind=small}
Did you enjoy this article? If you would like to receive
articles just like this one in your email once a week
you can sign up right here